Whitworth’s contradictory “dating” culture
I love higher ed.
Oh, not actually attending college. I just love the idea of higher ed. Reading about it. Discussing it. Analyzing the problems and flaws. Most of all, I like to scrutinize the culture, observing how students deal with the twilight zone between childhood and adulthood, how the reality of higher ed contrasts with and is influenced by how pop culture portrays it, and how a given student body is usually too nuanced and complicated to defy accurate description.
One of the more interesting developments in the last 10 years in higher ed has been the rise of the “hookup” culture. Fascinatingly portrayed in one of my favorite novels “I am Charlotte Simmons,” on the average college campus, semi-random “hookups” at parties have become the impetus, the catalyst, for more serious, permenant relationships. The traditional casual date — now obsolete– has been largely swept away.
An article titled “The Sociology of Hooking up,” at Insidehighered.com has more. Obviously, though the article does not mention it, the phrase “hooking-up,” common to any college student, can mean anything from fairly ferocious kissing to “hooking-up” in a very, very literal spatial sense. ( Though the article tends to dwell more on the sex aspect than the other lighter ways of hooking up.)
The thing I found the most interesting, from reading articles and having conversations, was that hooking-up seemed to switch the order of classic dating. In classic dating, the relationship would be (relatively) established before things got very physical. The guy would ask the girl out on a date first, and if he’s lucky he’ll be rewarded for his hard work and listening skills and cash investment with anything ranging from a kiss goodnight at the door to a kiss good-morning in her bed the next day.
With the hook-up culture, however, the physicality comes first. It’s a prerequisite to a relationship.
It’s like Lord Byron said: “You can’t get the Lawnmower of Love started without first priming the Fuel Pump of Making Out.” Poetic guy, him.
From what I’ve read, Hooking Up is the dominant tactic of romantic relationship formation at the average college campus (both at the secular and more typical “religious” campuses, like Gonzaga.)
But is it that way at Whitworth?
Well… not… quite. Presumably still some of the semi-random sexual encounters that pervade the average college campus, but the Whitworth hook-ups seem to be of a slightly tamer variety. And the hook-up philosophy is countered by others.
Dating at Whitworth is confusing. The Opinions archives are full of women complaining about incompetent Whitworth guys. Freshmen and sophomore year, I grew a bit cynical of girls whining “Why won’t guys date me? Why!”
Well, because, to quote the Facebook status, it’s complicated.
Whitworth students are split between three different dating philosophies: Casual dating, hook-ups, and gradualism. No philosophy is entirely dominate, and no philosophy is without massive flaws, problems, and caveats. Each have resulted in incredible relationships, and some mind-blowingly bad ones. They all require some sort of DTR, though at different times. The tension and conflict among the three wreaks a swath of uncertainty and insecurity through Whitworth culture.
I’ll address them individually, and then examine the problems when they collide.
Casual Dating: Let’s catch a movie at six. Do you want to grab some coffee?
If the date works out — if there’s chemistry — then great, they’ll be more dates in the future. But, at least at first, its by no means exclusive. There’s a way out if it turns out you really, really hate the person.
In today’s age, the notion of an actual date seems a bit quaint. Although people do still grab coffee together and see movies, it has to be downplayed as just hanging out.
As a result, casual dating is nearly dead at Whitworth. Part of the problem is the word casual. With the ever looming possibility that, if you’re not careful, a night out the movies could lead to marriage, we take our relationships fairly seriously.
Still, you hear a fair amount of people, especially girls raised on a steady diet of “Friends” and Meg Ryan ‘comedies,’ want that casual date idea to return. In some cases, it does, largely under the auspices of group events (dessert at the Dockside!) or the occasional bachelor auction. But just the simple that many Whitworth students pine for the casual dating era means the philosophy plays an integral role in Whitworth culture.
Unfortunately, at Whitworth, the casual date is unlikely to be all that successful. Remember, it’s a school where everyone knows eachother. You see the person in class next day. And the gossip vultures are always circling, eager to amp up anything casual into a Timeless Saga of Love and Loss.
Hooking Up: If the casual date is a tasty snack for a gossip vulture, the hookup is a massive, steaming, fly-ridden pile of carrion.
Everybody loves a scandal.
The party… the chemical and pharmacological social lubricants… the successful, talented people everyone’s jealous of and just would love to see fall… these are ideal conditions for gossip disaster.
Interestingly, the gossip machine goes crazy for some people if they so much as breath oddly, but remains solemnly quiet for the mistakes of others.
No matter. The bigger complication with the hook-up, whether it be a mere liplock or the full meal-deal-with-a-side-order-of-breakfast-the-next-morning, is that it seems to short circuit the mind. It skips right past that whole pesky logical analysis standpoint and gives the brain’s keys over to the, well, let’s just be euphemistic and say “the heart.”
When the logic and common sense does come, often accompanied by a headache, it results in an incredible amount of… oh, crap… what did I do… how do I feel… what now.
We’re talking angst worthy of a MySpace blog. You’ve seen what that kind of stuffs done to the poor chaps on Grey’s Anatomy. Imagine the havoc it wreaks in real life.
The finger-waving, speculation, and glib mockery being tossed from the peanut gallery doesn’t help much, of course.
Such concern brings us to the direct polar opposite of the hook-up artist.
Resolve This Year To Stop “Awaring”: Three Fantastic Organizations that You Don’t Know About
Allow me to invent a new word today: “Awaring.” I declare that this word is now a legitimate verb in the English language and has the definition “to make one aware of a problem.” Already ahead of the game, Whitworth is packed to the pinecones with people who spend hours upon hours of their time awaring. We schedule all-nighters for awaring people about the Sudan crisis. We stuff our bellies with rice to aware ourselves about world hunger. We toss trash in piles on the sidewalks to aware people of the impending doom that is Global Warming. And we are satisfied.
Why exactly are we satisfied? No one ever received relief from their suffering because someone else said “I know about your problem.” If those who suffer receive no satisfaction, why should we? In four years at Whitworth I have seen signs advertising “awareness” events more than I would like to. Hundreds of students attend these events every year. They are passionate students. They are caring students. And when the events end, they go back to their dorm with the satisfactory illusion that something has been done. Example: two years have now passed since the Global Commute brought awareness about child soldiers in Uganda. When was the last time you heard about the situation though? Is it better? Did we make a difference? I have no idea, and that in no way helps the cause.
If you’ve managed to keep up with me this long, I appreciate it. Cynicism tends to annoy. Yet besides being a cynic I am also a romanticist and a realist because I firmly believe that every single problem in this world is fixable, and I believe that money is the only way of doing so. Awaring does no good. With this in mind, here are three great organizations that have moved above and beyond the call of awaring, even though you may not have heard of them. These organizations do not fight the sexy problems that turn everyone’s heads such as AIDS, genocide, or global warming. Don’t misunderstand me, no one should ever stop researching these crises, finding what is true and false and good and bad about them. But issues like these are already at the forefront of the greatest minds of our generations–minds which so far have been stumped. In the meantime, if you’d like an ego boost by delivering a head-blow to some of the lesser-covered problems in our world this year, check these groups out:
Why you — yes YOU! — need to write for The Whitworthian.
Let’s make one thing clear.
I have a bias.
I have a vested interest in wanting the Whitworthian to succeed. When, on those bleary-eyed Monday morning, we send the Whitworthian PDFs to Garland Printing for 2500 copies to be printed, I want those 50,000 pages to be the best they can be.
When I see a poor phrase or a missed opportunity or a typo on a final copy of the paper, it haunts me. “Nevermore! Nevermore!” the typo cries.
So, believe me, I want you to write for the paper for the frankly selfish reason that I think it will improve it. I need you. But I also, genuinely, think that writing for the college paper is one of the best choices you can make. For yourself, for the paper, for the university, and for your college experience.
I understand it’s a hard sell. Writing for The Whitworthian is “hard work,” a phrase that causes many Whitworth students to hiss and skitter back into the shadows. Many students would take the easy 4-credit class that teaches them nothing rather than a valuable, albeit difficult, 1-credit class. That’s okay. Relax, and return to your video games, lazy people. We don’t want you.
But for those with an academic spine, those who are willing to put in the time, writing for the newspaper is not only valuable, it’s precious.Â
I’ll elaborate via bold headers.
2000 copies, maybe more. Occasionally, everyone produces an essay or assignment they’re proud of. Maybe there’s a particular Core 250 reading response you’ve created that you believe is the best core reading response ever. Or maybe just a work of genuine quality. Now, imagine that instead of just one copy being printed and one person reading it, TWO THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED COPIES were printed and distributed to over TWO THOUSAND people? Wouldn’t that be awesome? Believe me, it’s a delightfully surreal feeling to walk through the coffee shop, peer over somebody’s shoulder, and see them reading your article.Â