We’re number one-sixty-five!
The good news: Whitworth is ranked number 165 in the nation in Forbes’ College Rankings.
The better news: They call us Whitworth College. Glad to see someone still cares about tradition.
Just thought I’d post something to cheer up your day, amidst the dour economic news.
The 10 E-Mail Commandments.
We get a lot of ASWU Announces E-mails.
I’ve gone on the record as saying that I don’t care that we get a lot of e-mails. Deleting them is really, really easy. The problem is that most of them are horribly ugly abominations. Here are some quick E-mail Commandments that all ASWU people should keep in mind.
1. Thou shalt not attach Microsoft word documents, for thy documents, being bountiful in size, beget full mailboxes, and torn garments, as well as weeping and knashing of teeth. If thou hast something to say, thou can easily say it in thee body of thy e-mail – NOR shalt thou attach graven images — thou weigheth down thou e-mail with a painful burden.
2. Prithee, tharfore, to put Thou’s actual subject in thy subject line.Do not, prithee, hide thy intentions behind facades of messages of “Please send this to all students” and “Cool event” and “Attention Whitworth Community Men.”
They may garner a flurry of clicks, but lo, and behold, these clicks will, post-click-age, revealed to hath been empty and full of contempt &fear.
Aye, aaa curse shall be cast upon thee, and thy seats will be empty and thy event lame.
Lysteeen, a faithful messenger lets’ his yesssss be yesssss, his nooo be nooo, and his Whitworth Unplugged e-mails saye them “Whitworth Unplugged” in the subject line – foorsooth.
3. Thou shalt not use “zany” colors or “large” fonts. Do not give into thee temptations of vanity. An e-mail beset by colors and giant fonts shalt not persuade – only coonfyuuuseh et ayngyer!Do Not, Prithee, be swept up in ye garish colors of ye world, or mayest thou idols of false fonts.Return to thy first love: Black 12 pt Times New Roman – Let thy content be thy witness, and do not, therefore, makee vaulgar displayees of th’art ugly fonts, prithee, ye peeople de yon Whitworthian University Collegiate Academic Institution!
4. Thou shalt be limited to three e-mails, but only three. Onye: for recrooiting people to help or play at your event. Twoo: for letting people know your event is coming. And the third – yes, thee third – on the day of said event. Morrre iees gluttonous, less shaaall bee naught kind to thye event’s tuorn-out, and th’art doom’d, forsooth, to have e-mails thet shall be swiftly consigned & damned to ye hell of thee Deleted E-mail folder, as it should bee.
5. Thou shalt make thy case. Tymeee be short! and yee people of Whitworth arrrr slaves to ye yoke of ye’r homework. Th’art E-mail shalt not attract thy listener with empty words. Link to thee MySpace pagez of bands, or lieest awards they hast won, so people may see thie e-mail and pronounce that “It is good.”
6. Thou shalt remember: Thou cannot takest back e-mails, even if thou hast committed a sin against thy dictionary. Run thy spellcheck before the sun goes down on the “send” button, for it shall be of comfort to yee in theese dark dayez; wear ye people doo not caer hoW thare events arr perceeved, butt rathur how they arr thot of after the fact.
Avaunt, ye sinners, et be redeem’d!
Prithee!
Before ye day of email judgeymentttt falleth, FOORSOOTH, and ye find yerself wanting et angry at yerself’n fear yer mistakens ieen ye werld befooorrre thyet deiy!
7. Thou shalt capitalize letters according to natural law, Feor, in yese dark days, the peeple of Whitworth let their
shift keys wither and fade, and their beginning of sentences bee barren. The prophets, searched far and wide, foer a capital I ooorr ANY capital for names, but, Alasss, thayr search was et reemanes asss fruitless as theee fig trees of Golgotha – curses bee upon ye Jewish Christ forr hiss thoughtles cursse upon ye fig trees de Golgotha, while weee arr on dat subjeck! -
-Ye figs of dey Middle East in generrral be fruity et delicieux, et appreciaterrrss of froouit everywharrr would dooo gouyod two heed ye mistakes of yon earthly Christos, and learn!
Aftya ayll, dat Christos got hisbadself kieeellt.
Dost thou wannest two-ooh bees kieeellt?!??!
Jest becauoz yeee seeellff proclaims-t-Saver got keelt upun a tree, dost thou wont to be keelt on a tree in frunt of all ye WORLD?!
NEIOYN?!?!?!?!?!
Iiiii didn’t think sEW, DArlingset!!!!11one
8. Thou shalt leave thy name and e-mail at yee bottom. Messengers give tidings from “ASWU ANNOUNCES” and “DAYNA COLEMAN,” but their true origin is yonder:List thy direction, list thy name, and list thy own e-mail, prithee!
9. Consider theee words of yee prophet: Theee cries went to yeee Peeple, “Whitworth Unplugged!” “Whitworth Unplugged!” But ye peeeple refyoosed two listen, for thay had hearrrd yee cryes duh “Whitworth Unplugged” before, and werrre seeck und tyred, as untoo DEATH, forsooth! of heeearrrieengh aboout ittt. Thay sought new direction in new events, FOORSOOTH, for thayir passion far “Whitworth Unplugged” hayd longh aygo wither’d from too many e-mails, foorsooth, et theyir harts hed turn’d hard from deleting them, foorsooth et bedamn’t two theym!
Doooo NOT become like Whitworth Unplugged, prithee! Larn from ye mistakes of yee damn’d souls, poorrr beasssts! Doooo not! force too many, of the same events on yee peeple of Whitworth. For yeee peeple of Whitworth will tiirre of yer words, et look elsewhar fer guidance et illuminateion, FOORSOOTH!
10. Sparest us yee exclamation points, bebes. Woe et curses be sent upon any who turn yon house of e-mail into a den of excess punctuation!
Ye wood tharfore make pretense of excitement – whence excitement should cometh from thy heart and thy words! not thy punctuation.
et NevArrr shallr tharr bee TwO exclamation points in a row – for thet looks totally moronic, forsooth & bedam’t the concept et idea!!!!!!11oneone
Race on campus — Our response to GFU
By now most students are aware of what happened last Tuesday on George Fox University’s campus. If you are not, I will save time by simply linking you to this story.
To quote President Bill Robinson’s Friday evening email:
This stunt is not funny. It is abhorrent. It assaults GFU’s commitment to be a more diverse campus. It belittles Act Six students who are trying to engage a dominant culture, in most cases one that is not their culture. It invites angry and inaccurate speculations about people and motives responsible for this. It affronts every student who is different from the mainstream.
I agree with Robinson on all fronts.
A Pirate by any other name.
Collin Gibbs, the Sports Events Coordinator has started a contest to name Whitworth’s Pirate Mascot.
But a simple trip through the Whitworthian Archives — specifically to Oct. 16, 1929 — reveals that the Pirate Mascot already has a name: Pat. Choosing a mascot was a long and drawn out process, but when the Pirate was finally chosen, Pat was his name.
Of course, “Pat” hasn’t been used in some time, to my recollection. Personally, I think it would be awesome if Whitworth could resurrect a tradition from almost 80 years ago. Besides a few old buildings — buildings remodeled again and again — Whitworth doesn’t have all that many longstanding traditions left.
Besides Pat, here are some of my other suggestions:
How the Rankings Rank — rank-wise.
The U.S. News and World Report Rankings are out again this year. In the category of Best University-Masters West (which is awfully specific) Whitworth tied for 6th. This is better than last year, when our loss of academic reputation among other college administrators caused us to fall from 5th to 9th.
It’s good that we’re clawing our way back up the ranking ladder, although it’s disappointing, for those paying tuition next year, that we’ve fallen from 3rd to 5th in “Best Value.”
Wisely, Bill Robinson doesn’t succumb to the temptation to gloat when we’re doing well and decry the rankings when we do poorly. Instead, he remains modest, pointing out the ranking system’s flaws instead of just celebrating Whitworth’s strengths. From the press release:
Whitworth President Bill Robinson says he welcomes the attention high rankings can bring to Whitworth’s academic excellence and value, but he cautions students and parents against placing too much emphasis on rankings when selecting a college.
“It’s great to be recognized so favorably, but it isn’t healthy for Whitworth or its prospective students to think some schools are ‘better’ than others in absolute terms,” Robinson says. “We have a very clear mission to provide an education shaped by the integration of Christian faith and learning and by rigorous, open intellectual inquiry. For students who want that kind of educational experience, we’re the best school on the planet. For students with quite different educational objectives, we might not even be in the top 15. Our satisfaction comes from serving students and being faithful to our mission. All the recognitions beyond that are a bonus.”
While Robinson has a point — ranking the quality of an education is a very tricky thing — I do think that we shouldn’t stop from trying. I took a look at the U.S. News ranking system to measure how it stacks up against common sense. I’ll even assign them a 1-10 value, to make reading easier. (1 being lousy and 10 being hott!)
Peer assessment (weighting: 25 percent).
The U.S. News ranking formula gives greatest weight to the opinions of those in a position to judge a school’s undergraduate academic excellence. The peer assessment survey allows the top academics we consult—presidents, provosts, and deans of admissions—to account for intangibles such as faculty dedication to teaching. Each individual is asked to rate peer schools’ academic programs on a scale from 1 (marginal) to 5 (distinguished). Those who don’t know enough about a school to evaluate it fairly are asked to mark “don’t know.” Synovate, an opinion-research firm based near Chicago, in spring 2008 collected the data; of the 4,272 people who were sent questionnaires, 46 percent responded.
Score: 8. Probably the best strategy on the rubric. Who better to judge than the ivory tower than people in other ivory towers. They know the scuttlebutt, they see the teaching strategies, they hear the reverberation in the educational community. The only problem? I can see this getting political. Let’s say Gonzaga doesn’t want its rival (Whitworth) to get ahead. So it rates it negatively. Probably more problematically, it tends to favor the educational fads and trends that the mass of academe is behind. It is a popularity contest. But that’s not a problem if the educator masses know what they’re talking about.
Stan- In the place where you live, now no more.
Update: I fixed a fairly glaring inaccuracy. Originally, I said that Stan was offered a job, but did not apply. That is wrong, wrong, wrong. Stan was encouraged to apply for the manager job, applied, but then was not hired. My mistake.
Let’s put that in perspective.
17 years ago, Bill Robinson was not yet at Whitworth. Stan Bech had more seniority than Bill Robinson.
17 years ago, Sodexho was not yet at Whitworth. Stan Bech had more seniority than the entire Whitworth Sodexho operation.
17 years ago, incoming freshmen were just googoo-ga-ga-ing past their first birthday.
And perhaps strikingly different, 17 years ago, Whitworth cared more about people than profits, personality more than products. Sometimes it lost money because of that. Sometimes it made the wrong long-term decision because they cared about people.
But loyalty was something honored, rather than something only worth the occasional peck of lip service.
Maybe that’s not entirely fair. I know Jess Dozier and Jim O’Brien. They’re both nice guys who really care about making the Whitworth chapter of Sodexho a swell food service operation.
But that doesn’t mean I have to like their decisions.
For a while Stan was Whitworth. Most younger students don’t know, but he was the one food service employee you really knew cared. I didn’t really know him very well. I’m not a coffee man. But some people did, and gave him rave reviews. There was a time, it was Stan who was one of the judges of Mock Rock. He was as much a fixture of Whitworth as the Big Ugly, Campanile, or a falling pinecone.
To Sodexho’s credit, they encouraged him to apply for a manager’s job. Not to Sodexho’s credit, they didn’t hire him when he did apply, despite his very strong customer service skills.
In 2005, when Stan’s Coffee shop was first threatened I was a Warren Senator. I clumsily attempted to protest the way he was being treated — albeit ineffectually and far too aggressively. Here’s a (fairly sarcastic) piece I wrote for the Stall Street Blog around that time: Stan by your Man.
I’ve admitted that Mind and Hearth turned out a bit better than I had anticipated. But if it meant Stan’s job, sacrificed to the whims of interior decoration, it wasn’t worth it.
But here’s the really frusterating thing. The reason Stan was fired was money. But by all accounts, Sodexho should be making more money. Food costs have gone up slightly, but then again, so has sodexho’s prices. If anything, they should be raking in the dough, with all their increase in customers.
Instead, it seems like all that cash is being spent on organic, green, press-garnering food. I get it. Green is sooo hot right now.
But my suspicion is that the actual environmental benefit is far outweighed by the cost. Let’s take spudware for example: It’s completely biodegradable! Expensive, but biodegradable.
Here’s the thing, though.
Spokane doesn’t throw most of it’s trash away in a landfill. No, 80 percent of the trash is consumed in the incinerators of the Spokane Waste to Energy Plant.
I called the company that makes Spudware, asking them if it really mattered if we used plastic silverware, if it was incinerated anyway. They said, no, when you get right down to it, it doesn’t.
I asked Jess Dozier about this in an informal conversation, and he said that he was aware that it was being incinerated. Sodexho has a long term goal of eventually composting their waste, but the bureaucratic knots are proving very difficult to untangle.
Dozier added that there still is value to the Spudware, because incinerating Styrofoam gives off harmful chemicals. If we were burning it in a campfire, he’d be right. But the Spokane Waste to Energy plant has an extensive filtering system to prevent most harmful gasses from being released.
Continuous emission monitors test and record quantities in the stack every 15 seconds. Monthly reports are submitted to SCAPCA and are available for public viewing. The facility is regulated by the following agencies:
1. US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)
2. Spokane Air Pollution Control Authority (SCAPCA)
3. Washington State Department of Ecology (DOE)4. Spokane Regional Health District (SRHD)
How well the plant does in cleaning that up, of course, is debatable.
It’s interesting, how, in all the press, in all the hype, in all the back-patting that went on about Spudware and going green, I never heard a word about the incinerator.
College students usually have the lower carbon footprint than a majority of Americans, no matter their types of silverware.
So after a few years of hype and excitement over Sodexho’s green transformation, what are we left with? To-Go cartons that cost money and odd biodegradable silverware that’s going to consumed in flames anyway.
And no Stan.
Gangster is the New Disney: Mock Rock Recap
Mock Rock was, as always, a spectacle to behold last night. In retrospect, I wish I had brought a notebook so I could analyze every skit, but I will just run down some highlights.
Correct me if I am wrong, but I don’t think there were any Disney songs all night. Did they make a no Disney rule? Or did the frosh take Daniel’s advice from the “Guide to Winning Whitworth?” Either way, it was a refreshing change of pace.
To replace the Disney cliché, they came up with a brand new one! A gangstalicious cliché. In at least three performances, the bass started thumping and some top 40 rap song came on. A group, most often a group of girls, came to the forefront wearing hoodies, baseball caps, and baggy jeans and started crumpin’. Get it? Because they are mostly suburban white girls.
The Mac Men gave a thrilling performance and I was sincerely worried they were going to take the crown. Turns out, the lady in their skit, that was a dude. Kudos to that guy for convincing me that he was a lady, but cross dressing results in an automatic disqualification.
I have to admit, I am a Warren gentleman through and through. This makes me biased through and through. However, I was underwhelmed by their performance. So why did they win? They incorporated the theme, and they followed the rules. Those are the keys to building a Mock Rock Dynasty.
Three-peat? Oh yes. But for the record, we’re talking a minimum five, six-peat.
My favorite part of Mock Rock this year: brevity. It was just shy of an hour long; the perfect length for a show of this nature.
My only complaint: two bleachers. That’s it? There should be ample seating for an event as popular as Mock Rock.
Mock Rock: A record of Winners
I went through old Whitworthians last night to catalog who won Mock Rock from its (supposed) inception. I’m only including when Mock Rock was an actual part of initiation. (Homecoming doesn’t count.) Of course, some newspaper articles actually forget to include the ‘who won’ aspect of the story. (Which is the most important part.
See if you can spot any trends:
1992: Stewart Guys
1993: ??
1994: Mac men.
1995: Warren Women.
1996: ??
1997: ??
1998: ??
1999: Warren Gentleman.
2000: Mac Men.
2001: ???
2002:Mac/BJ tie. (Rivalry anyone?)
2003: Warren Gentleman. (Tied with Mac.)
2004: Warren Gentleman.
2005: Arend Guys (Warren Gentleman second place)
2006: Warren Gentleman.
2007: Warren Gentleman.
2008: Warren Gentleman.
Why do you think Mac and Warren seem to do so well? (Mac in the first decade, Warren in the next 6 years) I mean, not counting the year that I was a traditiator, sadly, Warren has won 5 years in a row. With around 10 competitive teams, that’s fairly significant.
Why the trend? I have my theories, but I want to hear yours first.
How to Win Whitworth: Part 4- Guides and Definitions
… and now… the thrilling conclusion of How to Win Whitworth. (By Charity Whitney, Daniel Walters, Galen Sanford, Gabrielle Vaughn, Brent Flyberg, and Kelly Vincent)
Terminology: Become Fluent in Whitworthese
“Did you hear from the RD about the RA and SGC who got a B3 after their DTR at CBD– Now, that’s AOK for A&P, but a no-no in J-KOG” Have no idea what we just said? Let us help.
Mac: McMillan Hall. Not MACmillan hall, oddly.
BJ: Baldwin-Jenkins
RA: Resident Assistant. Their job is to be a friend/mom/narc/person with important keys.
RD: Resident Director. Also known as “RA Wranglers.”
SGC: Small Group Coordinator. The Groups are small, not the people. Well, sometimes the people are too. The important thing is that they coordinate the small groups, which start out popular but then lose all their members by the end of the year once the members shift their efforts to being lazy. It’s a noble calling. (DW)
The Nunnery: Ballards nickname, despite the fact it doesn’t really fit the Nun stereotype anymore.
Your “hall” is not your residence hall; it is the straight corridor on which you live.
Your “dorm” is not your little room; it is your residence hall. Counter-intuitive, but you’ll catch on.
Hello Walk: The double sidewalk on which daily play a giant game of “To Greet or not to Greet?” (KMV)
That metal hunk in front of the library is known as the “Big Ugly.” The artist set out to create the Biggest Ugly imaginable, and he succeeded admirably.
There’s far less clarity over the name of the rather exuberant statue throwing his arms up in glee out in the soccer field. People either call him “Victory Jesus,” “Football Jesus” or something far less politically correct.
Big Three: Cohabitation. Inebriation. Decapitation
Little Three: Dropping your tray. Not dropping your pinecone. And don’t forget the secret little three that the Whitworth Government doesn’t want you to know about: Getting engaged by spring of your senior year. Or “Ring by spring”. (Followed closely, they say, by “Separation post Graduation.”) You’ll hear a lot of whining, mainly from women, about how Ring by Spring is an absolutely abhorrent goal, but the number of people, one figures, who only get married to satisfy a college tradition is fairly low. Generally “love” or “pregnancy” factors more heavily into the marriage decision. Ring by Spring is a symptom of a marriage-happy campus, not the cause.
Gen-Ed: Either “General Education Requirements” or Ginny Eddington, that girl in your Ceramics class. Gen Eds can be annoying. Honestly, who wants to learn about math? Gross. Get them out of the way as soon as possible, so if you decide to change majors sophomore year you won’t be stuck with a deluge of Old Major classes on your transcript.
The PineCone Curtain: An old cliché from the 60s referring to Whitworth’s isolation. Since this is no longer the 60s and the campus is no longer ignorant or isolated, you’ll look like a moron for using it. Even ironically.
Histochris: History of Christianity, not to be confused with Histogram of Christopher.
JKOG- Jesus and the Kingdom of God, not to be confused with J-Cog, the lovable, jive-talking robot in a series of poor selling self-published steampunk novels.
ANP: American National Politics, not to be confused with Anatomy and Physiology.
ANP: Anatomy and Physiology, not to be confused with American National Politics.
“Whitworth University,” “Whitworth College” “Whitworth College University” and “Whitworth Community College University Technical Institute” are all acceptable names for the school we go to.
Mind and Hearth: A name for the coffee shop that no self-respecting Whitworth Student will ever be caught using. Instead, call it “The Coffee Shop.”
ASWU is often pronounced “Ay Es Triple You.” You may also call it the “aswutang-clan.”
NASCAR: The “Theme” of this “year.” It will be something referenced obsessively for the first two weeks, until people just forget about it and all the NASCAR-Themed decorations just look quaint.
DTR does not stand for “Denmark Transit Radio.” Instead it’s an abbreviation for “define the relationship,” one of those delightful conversation that begins with those four ominous words: “We need to talk.”
DTRmaggedon: Alum Kyle Pflug’s phrase for a DTR that goes horribly, horribly wrong. (DW)
Moon Bowl: The football practice field behind the aquatic center. But don’t let an athletic trainer or a lawyer hear you call it that. The rugged terrain is the source of the nickname, but calling it that acknowledges that there is a problem, which could apparently lead to a lawsuit.
D-Group: Core discussion group. You will learn to simultaneously love and hate it. (BF)
The Saga of Saga: Terminology and More.
How to Win Whitworth: Part 3- Academics
Professors: Teachers, but in Tweed.
The classes you take aren’t that important. Who you take them from is. For example, if Ron Pyle was teaching “History and Theory of Low-Fat Margarine”, you’d have to wait until you were a senior to get into the class. Such would be the waiting list.
There are a few teachers your peers will say you must take classes from, towering pillars of the Whitworth experience: Teachers like Pyle, Oakland*, Stronks, Sitsser — and from what I hear – Julia Stronks and Kamesh Sankaran. Don’t worry too much. One of Whitworth’s biggest strengths is the quality of the teaching staff. Whitworth doesn’t pay much, so it tends to attract teachers that care about teaching, rather than paychecks or prestige. No Nobel Laureates who leave all their instruction to TA’s and Grad Students here.
*His teaching schedule may vary. Void where prohibited and in the state of Wyoming.
That’s not to say there aren’t bad teachers. Fortunately, they are easily identifiable by the title “adjunct” and can thus be avoided.
It’s no coincidence that some of Whitworth’s toughest teachers – Mohrlang, Migliazzo, Sugano – are also some of the best. (Oddly enough, they are also among the toughest to spell correctly.) A teacher who’s difficult has to be incredible just to avoid all their students flunking, a situation the Dean would frown upon. Take a class from one of them and you’ll be challenged, frustrated, aggravated, tested, stretched, and battered. These teachers will be able to hone into your B.S., neatly fillet it, and serve it back to you on a china platter with garnishes that read “Nice try.” Your papers will drip tauntingly with red ink. Drip… drip… drip…
This is precisely why I recommend you take classes from these tough teachers. You’ll come out a stronger human, a better writer, and a deeper thinker. Wear those classes like a badge of honor. “Sugano? Oh, yeah. I survived Sugano. What of it?” (DW)
The key with these professors is to know what you’re getting into and prepare (by, for example, actually buying the textbook). A few botched essays and flunked quizzes early in the term can be really hard to recover from. (KMV)
If your professor encourages you to see her with questions during her office hour, and you have questions: do it. Swallow that lump in your throat and knock on her door. In my experience, the best advocates, resources, encouragement, and general conferees of good things are often professors.
These are the people who are going to give you valuable advice, open doors, write letters of recommendation, and be sources of wisdom for your time at Whitworth, if you seek them out. They are teaching at Whitworth out of a genuine desire to be here, and part of that involves you, the student. Interacting with professors outside of class is something I was really shy about at first, and generally poor at. And of course those are often awkward, tenuous relationships (mostly because the professors you really want to know are the ones you’ve elevated to semi-divine status). But the pay-off here is immense—not in terms of future name-dropping or some other status symbol, as might be the case at more prestigious institutions, but because many professors at Whitworth are phenomenal people. You’re here for an education, right? They can help with that. (KMV)
Academics: The most obnoxious part of Education.
Whenever you’re bored, start getting homework done for goodness sakes. You don’t want to have one of those situations where your friends drop by and say “Hey! We’re going to all go meet Jean Claude Van Damm at Laser Quest and then go and get free Ben and Jerry’s ice cream they’re giving out during the Awesome Parade!”
And then you have to say, “Can’t. I have a reading response on Pascal to do. But that sounds fun too.” Then, as you wistfully gaze off into the setting sun, a single tear rolls down your cheek and lands *splash* on the pages of your Plato to Derrida book. (DW)