A matter of grammar and death.
First – let me say I’m really excited to see how the site has taken off in the last few weeks.
With that said, I’d like to make a request.
When you comment, please, please, PLEASE:
1) Avoid emoticons of any kind. If you need a winky face or a saaaaad face or a tongue face or some weird Japanese cat face to communicate nuance, you aren’t a very good writer.
It’s okay if you’re not a great writer (you should still comment) but you’ll never get better by relying on Mr. Emoticon to do your tone for you.
The problem with emoticons is that they look like crap. Look at David Brooks’ blog at the New York Times. Not a single winking face in sight.
2) Use capital letters at key times. For example, the word “I” should always be capitalized. I don’t care how low your self esteem is. Also, the beginning of sentences should be capitalized. The more you know!
3) If you link, link to something relevant. Not just a Wikipedia page explaining what “government” means.
Look, I make a lot of typos. I leave out words. I capitalize the wrong ones.
But, the thing is, I at least make a semblance of effort to follow basic grammar.
No, I don’t care if you split your infinitives, or splice your commas, or dangle a participle or two or five.
But please: don’t make your comments look like something your Twitter account crapped out.
“Write something clever,” part One
I have learned the secret to writing.
Would you like me to share it?
Cool! Me too!
It’s to take a stab at what you want to say, without worrying how people will recieve it. It doesn’t matter if it’s a good or a bad stab – you can parry, you can thrust. You can flourish, you can strike. The important part is that you’re stabbing. You’ve gotta stab with all your worth, with whatever you’ve got in your possession.
If you’ve gotta use the awkward lance of Rhetorical Analysis, so be it. Don’t try and wield it like the sharp edged sword of satire; that just leaves mangled and bent phrases on the wayside. And yes, you’ll have your favorites. Perhaps you enjoy the nunchucks of comedy, or the scalpel of piercing wit.
Me? I love the trident of extended metaphors. Obviously.
But the most important part is to take a stab.
And strike true, my friends. You can parry, you can thrust. You can flourish, you can chop. The important part is that you’re stabbing. But swing with your beliefs, not those of others. Swing with your own might.
Because only you understand your feelings, and only with them can you back up your points.
It’s the passion that adds power to each stroke of the keys and swing of the sword. It’s the passion that gives rise to inertia, and inertia is your friend. It’s more than your friend.
Not quite your lover, more of a literary “FWB”. You want to cuddle it, support it, make sure it stays as long as possible. Because, without inertia giving you the writer’s breakfast in bed, the rest will be a long and arduous struggle. Inertia’s younger sister can also be used in a pinch. In fact, when Inertia’s gone, she’s all you’ve got. Yes, that perky 10 year old, Persistence. The one that says “You got an idea yet? You got an idea yet? Come on, keep on trying!” over and over and over until her nasally voice grates on your very soul, trying your pa…
Well – You know what I mean, don’t you, Forum community?
Trust me when I say inertia is always a better choice.
So now you’re done.
You’re ready to write Shakespeare, right?
No.
This is how to converse with friends, argue a point, chat with that pretty girl. It’s not so much writing as it is how to weave words.
The biggest problem is not what to say, it’s how to start. It’s working up the courage, gulping down the fear, throwing asde the doubt, and hanging on for dear life as you ride the roller coaster called Life.
“If it was rape, it was good rape.”
The administration’s choice to allow a production of the Vagina Monologues on school grounds represents but one sign of Whitworth’s ongoing de-Christianization.
George F. Whitworth, when he first established the college back in 1890, envisioned a college where students would “honor God, follow Christ, and serve humanity”. By endorsing and condoning such an inherently anti-Christian and perverse play such as The Vagina Monologues on campus, the administration has violated, at the very least, the first two objectives of George Whitworth’s vision.
With its glorification of fornication and perversity, manifested in subject matter such as a dominatrix pridefully going on about the merits of her work, as well as its heaping doses of crude shock value (exemplified in the skit where the performers chant notable slang – sometimes ouright obscene words – for the vagina), it doesn’t surprise me that this performance was just barely allowed to be performed on university grounds [criticism of The V. Monologues from a colonial, heterosexual perspective can be found here].
Moreover, the fact that it managed to slide past the same people who thought the title “Free Beer” was an unacceptable name for an art show in which no alcohol was served, further proves that this university is beginning to compromise on its original message.
The very concept of The Vagina Monologues, with its focus on the female genitalia as the pinnacle of worth and pride among women, represents a naturalist and materialistic view of the female persuasion, which stands in contrast to the Judeo-Christian view of women, whose bodies belong not to them, nor their lovers, but to God, who warns against the misuse of His gifts*.
Men, in The Vagina Monologues, are shown primarily as hypersexual simpletons, (such as in “Because He Liked to Look At It”, in which a man stares infatuated for hours at a woman’s mid section after just meeting her at the grocery store), and sadistic savages (nearly every other story involving men).
Women (the play implies), are totally incapable of abuse, as can be seen in the case of”The Little Cootchie Snorcher That Could”, in which a woman fondly recalls being drugged and rape at the age of thirteen by a woman in her twenties. Although the Whitworth presentation changed the last few words, in the original script, the woman narrator ends with “If it was rape, it was good rape.”
Now, this critique is not, in the least, meant as a personal slant against those participating in the play. I’m all too aware that the actors, like those of every respectable performance, poured their time and labor into not only raising awareness of domestic violence, but making the show entertaining to all. Rather, this critique is meant primarily as an assault on the immoral content and anti-Christian attitude of the play in question.
If Whitworth still wants to call itself anything more than nominally Christian, it will have to play a more active role in keeping watch against, as well as actively banning, subversive performances on campus. With more prestige as the university grows, there will be an ever present temptation to be more open to “alternative views“, much like other once religious colleges have, selling their souls so that they might attract more students – and not tick off the PC police!
Although non-Christian views and ideas should not necessarily be shut completely out of the the picture, blatantly vulgar and ideologically flawed plays – such as The Vagina Monologues - should not be endorsed by a university that prides itself on solid Christian values. Especially not a play that arguably condones sexual deviance, much less assault.
*1st Corinthians 6:13: “Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body [NKJ].”
Flying is merely the art of learning to throw yourself at the ground…and miss!
There comes a time in every epic friendship when things go badly.
I don’t mean the silly squabbles about what to do once you finally decide to hang out Friday night, or whether that one movie really did deserve to win the Oscar for “Best Picture”.
No, I’m talking about a REAL disagreement. Raised voices, maybe some tears, and a cooling period will occur before both the parties involved can talk to each other in a civil manner again.To be honest, it’s always a little frightening the first time it happens – at least for me. I seem to have a secret hope, no matter how many times it’s proven wrong, that with this person, we won’t disagree. Or, if we do, we’ll settle it quickly and it won’t stretch out into an actual fight. Of course, it never happens, or, if it does, I realize that the friendship has become shallow. Not having dared to risk it on the rocks of talking about anything important, or showing enough of myself that things turn serious, my friend and I no longer connect.
It seems that, the closer I get to someone, the more inevitable it is that we will eventually fight, and fight quite badly. There is something that touches both of us deeply enough that it is worth risking the friendship to speak of.
I don’t mean that there is a conscious decision – a realization that what happens next is going to drive all parties involved to fury. I just mean that things happen when people get really close. Bad things.
Someone will say something uncalled for. The other person says something equally awful back. And before we know it, we’ve just had a fight that could sever me from the other person forever. If both of us hold a grudge, the bitterness will grow. And that’s when the choice comes. Is this person worth enough to me to work through this fight, and become better friends because of it? Am I going to allow simple, stupid human nature to prevent me from getting to know someone who, really, is one of the most awesome people I have ever met?
Hopefully, the answer is no. Any good friendship has scars. Any relationship worth holding on to isn’t pretty. But the point of scars is not to show pain, it is to show healing.
There was once a wound, yes.
But it’s better now.
WE’RE better now.
Hate.
As most of you probably know, a hate crime was committed this week near campus. Here’s a link to the updated Whitworthian article.
I have to admit that, when I was first told about the incident, I couldn’t even formulate a reaction. See, I’m so naive when it comes to acts of hatred. The way he phrased it was that one of his friends “was gay-bashed last night” near campus. To be honest, I didn’t know what that meant. Someone dissed on his friend because of his sexual orientation? That’s an awful thing in itself–and I don’t mean to trivialize that–but it didn’t even cross my mind that maybe his friend had been physically assaulted. I think I just sat there with a dumb stare until he went on: “Yeah, he got his nose broken.” Even then all I could muster was a dumbfounded “oh my gosh.” Then the conversation moved on. For all I expressed, I might as well not have cared.
I know there are stages for processing events like this. My first was obviously lack of understanding. Later, the lack of understanding turned angry. I’m a philosophy student; I like to think that the world fits into this orderly pattern. My mind doesn’t know what to do with such an obvious non-sequitur as “x is gay, so I will hurt x.” That doesn’t fit anywhere in this little Core 250 worldview of mine. Maybe that’s why people haven’t seemed to be up in arms about the assault: it doesn’t make sense, so it doesn’t sink in. It threatens the paradigm.
My other barrier to reacting properly to the assault is that I’m an optimist, a liker. I think well of people. When I think about the world, I forget to factor in the strong engines of hate which drive people to commit acts like this. (Yes, it’s hate: not ignorance. It drives me crazy when people attribute acts of bigotry to ignorance. As if people didn’t know any better. As if there were an excuse.) Then two blocks from home a violent act of hatred is committed.
There are other stages. Sadness at the state of humanity. Hurt on behalf of the victim and others who share his sexual orientation. The need to talk. The need to do something.
I don’t know if all this is my need to self-justify, or stems from guilt at my initial reaction. Maybe you had a similar series of reactions. Maybe not.
Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about the rally that’s happening next Wednesday, and what students are doing for the victim, about what we’re thinking and rethinking, about what we’re feeling and not saying.
Let’s react.
My Two Cents on “The Vagina Monologues”
First off, I am tremendously proud of Whitworth for finally having the gumption and wherewithal to put on a work like this. I know that we have tried to put on a production of the Vagina Monologues for years, and I am glad that it finally happened. Moreover, I always felt that college should be a time of hearing different perspectives, and tonight exemplified that to a tee.
Second, I am also proud of all of the incredible maturity displayed by all of the performers, and how the play has challenged the way you think about certain issues raised in the play. Well done.
Third, I am hugely impressed with the turnout, for two reasons. Firstly, it was one of those rare times I have actually seen a line snaking around in order to enter a theatre production at Whitworth. Secondly, there were quite a few men in the audience (myself included), and that impressed me. I talked to Jim McPherson a little bit before the start of the show, and he said he had a friend who went to a production of the Vagina Monologues, and he ended up being the only guy in the audience.
As for my thoughts on the play, I think it imbued a sense of community, as cliche as that might sound to us on the Whitworth campus. I think all of us, regardless of our gender, can relate to the overall message of being comfortable in our skins, and being able to be proud of the fact that we recognize sexuality as part of ourselves.
Furthermore, one of the most powerful things for me, was the fact that all of the stories in the play were true. That adds a new dimension to the work, and creates a sense of connection that cannot be ignored. It simply reinforces the whole community aspect that I mentioned earlier.
Lastly, and it was touched upon during the post-play discussion, the subject matter contained in the play isn’t necessarily something that is outwardly expressed here on this campus. Having said that, I hope conversation will either continue, or get started because of what was done tonight.
Anyways, that’s what I have been thinking. What say you?
Dear G-Unit
Introducing Whitworth’s only advice column, written by a Whitworth student, for other Whitworth students! For your edification, amusement, & pleasure: it’s Dear G-Unit!
Dear G-Unit: I’m writing you today because I feel my parents are starting to like my roomate better than me. The first thing they always ask when they call is “And how is *roommate name witheld to protect the innocent* doing?”. They give him care packages, and they lavish him with compliments when they see him. What can I do to reassert… ahem… “parental focus” back on to moi?
Belittled in BJ
Hi BB! Wow, how insensitive. I suggest getting new parents….No, wait, that’s not cost-effective. Never mind. Um. Let’s see.
I assume you have already tried standard techniques like whining on the phone. It’s time to get drastic. Stage a crisis.
I’ll go ahead & assume you’re a freshman, because, after all, Baldwin-Jenkins is a freshman-only dorm. It is a well known fact (at least to us upperclassmen) that most freshman are more concerned with friends then they are with grades. Plan carefully. Begin mentioning the names of friends that you are hanging out with (make up names if you have no friends or your friends hate you and refuse to hang out with you). Begin mentioning these names at an exponentially increasing rate. Eventually, if they are the kind of parents I think they are (by which I mean, parents who like to see some evidence that you are putting all that money they are forking out for tuition to practical use), they will begin to ask about homework, classes, and grades. Downplay the grades, at first. Mention classes, but when they ask how said classes are going, mumble and change the subject. Mention tests but then don’t mention your final grade. Et cetera. Eventually they will catch on, being the savvy adults they are, and demand proof. Proof of grades. Proof of success. Proof that you are not on academic probation. At this point, break down. Begin to sob. Tell them about how much time you have been spending with your friends, instead of poring over your homework. Tell them the love of your friends is only a poor, shabby substitute for their love. And beg them to fly up/down/over and visit you next weekend. And they, sobbing by now as well, will proceed to do exactly as you ask.
I know, I know, I’m a genius. You don’t have to tell me.
Dear G-Unit: I just starting dating this AMAZING girl from Warren. I think she may be the one. We agree on everything; from how it is TOTALLY wrong to call people gay as an insult, to that apples are the best fruit! My question is: how do I tell when we’re annoying people? We really love each other and like holding hands and kissing and being all ridiculous, but even so, I don’t want to be THAT couple, who totally alienates everyone they meet just because they are just so SO.
Warren Peace
I’ll try to make this quick and painless for both of us, Tolstoy: I’m afraid you already are that couple. The ones making goo-goo eyes at each other across their Saga tables. The ones constantly referencing stupid inside jokes that nobody else gets, even if we cared to try and figure them out. The ones walking each other home in the Loop, shrieking loudly at 3 AM. The ones breaking the ‘quiet’ rule in the back shelves of the libraries.I have three words for you and your girlfriend: GET. A. LIFE. I know, I know, you are SOOOOOOOO IN LUV, and you NEVER want to be apart and you ALWAYS want to be together and you are TOTALLY ring-by-spring-ing, but my point stands. The relationship will die (I know, I know, HEAVEN FORBID OMG) without space. You need space, especially if you are seriously considering getting married and aren’t just flinging that around like so many Whitworth couples do. By space, I mean time apart, and having things you enjoy doing WITHOUT the other attached to your hip.
And, are you annoying your friends (really the only ‘people’ who matter)? I don’t know. I am not your friends. Perhaps you should, you know, ask them.
Dear G-Unit: Recently this really awesome band came to visit Whitworth. They played the HUB multipurpose room. Me and a couple friends started dancing. We just couldn’t help it. The music was so good! It was really awkward though, because it’s like the band on stage, and then that little square of light, and then everything else is dark. And there were, seriously, like four of us dancing, and everyone else just outside in the dark, standing still, maybe swaying a little, all spooky like. How lame! How can I get people to join in the fun next time?
I’ll March to the Beat of Any Drummer with a Good Bass Line
Well, I.M.B.A.D.G.B.L., all I can tell ya is to lead by example. Whitworthians are a little, how do you say, challenged in the R&B department. Trust me, get em a little excited, or, just, you know, turn ALL the lights off (Warren Rave, I’m talking to you), and they go absolutely nuts. Try not to stare at them, though. I know, I know, that dance move was out of style when your granddad was a kid, but progress is progress. You have to do the Running Man before you can waltz, as they say.
If you’d like some words of wisdom from the most straight up G advice columnist this side of Seattle, shoot an email at dearg-unit@live.com, and you could see yourself in print! Er, type! Er…Whitworth Forum post! Yeah, that one.
Just Don’t Censor the Sweatshirts
“So, people get more fired up about sweatshirts than censorship?,” Elizabeth Johnson commented on her own article. “Great.”
She had a point. The article chronicling the administration’s censorship of the intended title for the annual senior art exhibition had received precisely one comment from the Whitworth community in the week it had been posted. Conversely, the article attacking the average Whitworthian’s propensity for wearing sweatshirts to class (also penned by Ms. Johnson) received five comments in its first week and thirteen as of this posting. It also inspired a Letter to the Editor, notable as being the only Letter to the Editor that the Whitworthian has published in 2009.
I won’t even get into the Vagina Monologues incident, which spurred the writing of two Whitworthian articles and an opinions column, but apparently failed to garner any attention from individual students (at least judging from the lack of comments upon said articles/columns).
It is, as a recent In the Loop column stated, “an upsetting trend.” But what I find more upsetting than the administration’s actions is the lack of response from the Whitworth community at large – a community that erupts in outrage when someone makes negative remarks about their everyday attire, but says not a word when the artistic expression of their peers is imperilled! What kind of attitude is this?
One friend who I pestered about the administration’s actions vis-a-vis the senior art exhibit said, “Well, I don’t really care about art. It’s not my [rights to free speech] that are being infringed upon.”
I hate to subcribe to an obvious logical fallacy, in this case the slippery slope argument, but indulge me. In recent years Whitworth has been moving more and more toward a particular image, the image of a hallowed institution of learning. This is fine, but their image apparently does not include seniors who wear wigs and make silly faces for their ID card photos, or advertisements that don’t have a “Whitworth University” stamp on the corner, or students who bedeck the other university in town’s campus with fliers declaring Whitworth’s societal, academic, and athletic superiority (in unapologetically silly terms, of course).
Understandable? Maybe…but the administration’s objections have now cut a little closer to home. No ironic art show titles. No productions of plays that dare to criticize traditional sexual mores.
How many more such decisions will have to be made before students as a whole start taking notice?
I asked. The candidates answered. Somewhat.
I sent an email to every candidate running for an ASWU position, requesting that they tell me, in one sentence or less, why they were the best choice. Here were their responses (mostly more than one sentence).
ASWU President
Tyler Whitney said, “I will effectively represent students in front of external groups, such as the Board of Trustees, B-Rob’s Cabinet, and the faculty.”
EVP
Tyler Hamilton said, “I am the most passionate and experienced candidate for the position.”
Mac Senator
Stephen Jansons said, “I like the quote you took from my page. I feel it really represents some of the enthusiasm I have for my dorm and me wanting to represent my fellow Mac men in ASWU…On a more serious note, I would like to stress the tradition of Mac Senators. Just looking at the past three Senators of Mac, one was a junior and the other two were sophmores. If you were to ask anyone who lived in BSchMac when those guys were around they will tell you how great of a Senator each of them were. The benefit of simply having a younger Senator is that they have more enthusiasm for the position and they are mentally present throughout the year. Seniors check out early in the spring because they have to start making final decisions about the rest of their life. There’s nothing wrong with that, I’ll do it too when I’m a senior, but a senator should be focused on his or her duties the entire year.”
East Senator
Kara Heatherly said, “‘If you wait for the perfect moment, when all is safe and assured, it may never arrive, mountains will not be climbed, races won, or lasting happiness achieved’…This quote…is one of my favorites for a lot of reasons. Ever since a very young age, I’ve been an active member of most things I’ve participated in. I’ve learned that if you want something, most of the time your best bet is to go out and make it happen, if you believe in something, you’re only doing yourself a disservice if you don’t act on that belief. Sometimes it takes a walk on the wild side to go out and make a difference…I am SO excited about this job and I think what sets me apart is simply my passion and excitement. My hope is that from me my passion and my love for Christ will flow into this new leadership team in the new dorm next year.I look forward to setting traditions for this new dorm and building yet another community that Whitworth students are proud to be a part of.”
Duvall Senator
Jonathan Deal said, “As Senator, I plan on bringing residents of Duvall together through service projects, dances, and other activities. I promise to keep everyone well informed of current events at Whitworth, and will listen to any ideas or concerns anyone has.”
Stewart Senator
Brittany Roach said, “I love the Stewshke community and being Representative this year and I would love the opportunity to serve it again next year; to another year of laughs!”
Arend Senator
Beau Lamb said “Serving currently as dorm Rep, I feel I have a great understanding of what my dorm needs and believe I can serve them best.”
GO. VOTE. NOW [PT. TWO].
Ha ha ha…..really though. Vote. The sooner the better.
Same deal as last time, people. I logged into Facebook and typed each candidate’s name into Facebook search. Their first name I made a link to either the picture they’re using to campaign with, or their profile pic. Their last name is a link to whatever picture on their Profile Pictures Page amused or intrigued me most. And after that I quoted an intriguing, amusing, or just plain WHAT?! quote from their “Favorite Quotations” section on Facebook. And after THAT I linked you to any existing Facebook support groups. Only difference: this time it’s the people who became, as the email said, “official candidates through the write-in process.”
Duvall Senator
- Jonathan Deal (We must not look to government to solve our problems. Government is the problem [Ronald Reagan].)
- Peter Pascacio (We’ll go with that [Alex Haley].)
Off Campus Senator
Warren Senator